and moving on with life. It's such a hard thing for me to do right now. The last 4 days have to be the most difficult to handle in my enire life. I knew one day it would come but I just never thought it would accompany so many different emotions. Grief, regret, forgiveness and sadness mixed with new found happiness.
My father was laid to rest yesterday. It was very sudden and totally unexpected. I was close to him but at the same time, I wasn't. I lived my first 4 years with him as a family then the rest of my life, very seldom. He would vist off and on during the years but I never had that special bond that some fathers and daughters have. Believe me, I always wanted it but the situation we found ourselves in didn't allow it. I look back on all of the milestones so far in my life like graduations, birthdays, marriage and the birth of my children and I wish that I could have had him be a part of it. I'm happy that he did see my babies though, especially Aubrielle. I only have bits and pieces of memories to look back on.
Through all of this...10 special people have finally entered my life. Unfortunatley my father's passing had to allow it to happen. While my father was struggling for life he called for me. My oldest brother, who I bearly know, sought me out. I thank God that I was able to be with him during his last days. I was able to say goodbye to him....and hello to all of these new faces. My 5 brothers and 5 sisters. I was met with many, many of tears and hugs. I've met so many nieces, nephews, cousins that my mind is still spinning.
I'm looking at the future more optomistic. I hope that I can begin to start a relationship with them. Get to know them better and in turn get to know my father better. I wish things could have been different but I have to accept what hand God had delt me....and know for sure that everything happens for a reason.
There is so much more that I can say but I think I'm glad to get this out. I'm so ready to tuck 2007 away and look forward to better years to come.
I'll miss him immensly and think of him fondly.
Te quiero mucho Papa.
Adios.
Christina
My father was laid to rest yesterday. It was very sudden and totally unexpected. I was close to him but at the same time, I wasn't. I lived my first 4 years with him as a family then the rest of my life, very seldom. He would vist off and on during the years but I never had that special bond that some fathers and daughters have. Believe me, I always wanted it but the situation we found ourselves in didn't allow it. I look back on all of the milestones so far in my life like graduations, birthdays, marriage and the birth of my children and I wish that I could have had him be a part of it. I'm happy that he did see my babies though, especially Aubrielle. I only have bits and pieces of memories to look back on.
Through all of this...10 special people have finally entered my life. Unfortunatley my father's passing had to allow it to happen. While my father was struggling for life he called for me. My oldest brother, who I bearly know, sought me out. I thank God that I was able to be with him during his last days. I was able to say goodbye to him....and hello to all of these new faces. My 5 brothers and 5 sisters. I was met with many, many of tears and hugs. I've met so many nieces, nephews, cousins that my mind is still spinning.
I'm looking at the future more optomistic. I hope that I can begin to start a relationship with them. Get to know them better and in turn get to know my father better. I wish things could have been different but I have to accept what hand God had delt me....and know for sure that everything happens for a reason.
There is so much more that I can say but I think I'm glad to get this out. I'm so ready to tuck 2007 away and look forward to better years to come.
I'll miss him immensly and think of him fondly.
Te quiero mucho Papa.
Adios.
Christina
Christina I am so sorry that you are going thru this!! It must be so hard to lose him like this, with so many regrets and what if! I am sure he knew you loved him, parents always know this things!! Hugs to you chica and get to know this new family that is waiting to make new beautiful memories with!!! Will be thinking of you!!! Jael
ReplyDeleteOh Christina I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find some comfort with your family and find out and discover your dad through them! Hugs to you and your family through this difficult time
ReplyDeletePatti H
Christina I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers.
ReplyDeletewhat a year you've had!
ReplyDeletei'm so so so sorry for you.
miss you!
Love you CP, always, and I am so happy for you finding that super special blessing of a loving family finally. That was your dad's gift to you! Cherish it!
ReplyDeleteChristina, I am so sorry for your family's loss. Prayers are with you guys and dealing w/all the grief and sadness.
ReplyDeletexoxo
So sory to hear about your loss :( I am glad you were able to reconnect with your long-lost family.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletesending you my thoughts and prayers
ReplyDeleteOh Christina! so bittersweet...I am so sorry for your loss, but as Charisse pointed out, that was his gift to you <3 You and your Family will be in my thoughts and prayers
ReplyDeleteTake Care, CP.
Deanna
Aww im sorry Christina! My dad passed away suddenly earlier this year and our situation is pretty similar. Lots of regrets too. Kinda funny how sometimes it takes a tragedy to bring families closer.
ReplyDeleteoh girl...so sorry. praying for you.
ReplyDeleteChristina I am so sorry for your loss!! I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteso sorry to hear about your father passing. i hope you find comfort as each day goes by.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteoh honey,
ReplyDeletei'm so, so sorry you have to deal with something like that.
i hope you find great comfort in your siblings.
sending you lots of love and prayers
-xo-
lisa
whoops,
that was me up there.
i'm so dumb... i posted with my secret santa user name cause i wasn't paying attention.
you might want to erase that, in case she reads your blog, lol.
love you!
i know i don't comment much but this really pulled at the strings. i know that life of the non existent father so well. i'm so sorry.
ReplyDeletexoxo
I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers. I can relate to much of this and it really touched me. How special for new-found family! Hope you find joy and peace in getting to know them.
ReplyDeleteMUCH, much sympathy on your father's passing.
ReplyDelete