and moving on with life. It's such a hard thing for me to do right now. The last 4 days have to be the most difficult to handle in my enire life. I knew one day it would come but I just never thought it would accompany so many different emotions. Grief, regret, forgiveness and sadness mixed with new found happiness. My father was laid to rest yesterday. It was very sudden and totally unexpected. I was close to him but at the same time, I wasn't. I lived my first 4 years with him as a family then the rest of my life, very seldom. He would vist off and on during the years but I never had that special bond that some fathers and daughters have. Believe me, I always wanted it but the situation we found ourselves in didn't allow it. I look back on all of the milestones so far in my life like graduations, birthdays, marriage and the birth of my children and I wish that I could have had him be a part of it. I'm happy that he did see my babies though, especially Aubri...